Why do I write?

This question has been plaguing me for the longest time ever. The main reason that I ask myself this question is that after a month and a bit of writing, I have produced nothing more than just a few drafts that still sit incomplete on my laptop. Where before, I posted on a regular basis, burning with passion and the drive to become a “someone” in this blogging game, of late, I have been uninspired and afraid to post or come up with anything new. Nothing has been happening and it is sheer frustration and unhappiness that has driven me to go back to the drawing board with this idea, and start from the very beginning of it all.  

This will be my third attempting at writing this blog and to be honest after lying to myself about why I write and why I started writing, I was close to not posting this. My motivation to start blogging were two things: I was broke, my bank account having a negative balance, and my ex and I had just broken up. I was still bitter and sour and wanted to prove that I would do just fine without her. So off I went on this journey, fueled by money and a quest to get the approval of someone who had left my life.  

Where perverted will resides, a way is scarcely made.  

So there I was, a grand and amazing idea, R2000 in debt to pay for my subscription and a “why” that would later fade away and lose meaning.  

My main problem was the fact that my outer image was not reflecting my inner character and there was intense frustration. Now this is not a case where my inner character was good and exemplary, no. My inner character was weak, fragile and complicated. A lot of my past experiences were coming to the surface and they needed to be dealt with ASAP.  

I write because it is the one place that I can really show who I am, imperfections and all. I write to come to terms with my imperfections and to hopefully make others see that there is no need for the chase to perfection. I also get the chance to come to terms with who I am as an individual and see how I can change to become the person that I want to be.  

Writing allows me to remove those rose-colored glasses we always seem to wear, that paint better pictures of ourselves and the world we live in. It is these same rose-colored glasses that paint a false image and give us a false viewpoint of the world. When I write, I allow myself to look at things from a different viewpoint and almost always seem to broaden my horizon and the way I look at the world that I currently live in. There is a realism that comes to the surface when I write as I look at my situation and try come to terms with what is going on.  

I write because I am afraid. I am afraid to ask questions, to voice my opinion, to go against the status quo. I am afraid of harming my false self image, of taking a stand and showing people who I really am. I am afraid of all these things and more and writing throws me into the very things I fear. I get to overcome the fear of what people will think about my opinions, whether they will agree or disagree and what people will say. Writing actually allows me to face my deepest fears head on and to be honest, after posting and receiving support like the way I have been, I gain more confidence and become a better person for it. I write as a way of breaking free from these internal limitations that have protected me from the “harmful world” that has been created by false ideals and years of conditioning.  

“A problem shared, is a problem halved” and I write in a bid that somewhere out there, there is someone going through the same thing or who has experienced what I am currently going through. That way, I may be able to help someone realise something, or maybe, I could even get some valuable feedback that will help me in my time of need .  

I write because I have a responsibility to share all the knowledge and viewpoints that I have gained over the years as I look to make myself a better person. The responsibility of knowledge is to share and spread it in our own way and understanding. We all have this inherent responsibility to help and teach and impart knowledge to those we come across. I guess through writing, I get to do my bit in sharing what I have learnt to people across the world.

 I write as a way of coming  to terms with life and not just my life and what goes on in it, but simply life in general. I get to wrap life in custom-made “Young Old Soul wrapping paper” and offer my own two-cents on issues that I feel a need to talk about and debate. The world can be a big and scary place and a lot of the time, we try to take it on alone.